mixed

Today might be the most stressful day in my internship experience but I think it’s best if I spare some time to post and release everything.

It scares me that I feel so tired and burned out right now. I don’t want to get tired, I don’t want to stop, I must work, I must keep myself occupied, I must move forward. But I might miss life.

This weekend, my family and I are going home. It’s terrifying. I don’t wanna go home. It’s like I’m gonna be sucked inside this black hole of depression and those memories would haunt me again. I feel sorry for not seeing my old friends but at the same time, I pity myself being in that situation again. I can consider myself lucky this summer for having several reasons not to go home. I’m not ready but I have to goddamn vote so I have to ‘return’ after ‘running away’ a month ago.

Everything’s really mixed up. As I see the bright side of things (which I rarely do), there’s a great feeling of fulfilment and there are people who make me smile just right before I sleep at night. Maybe I should just see the silver lining in every cloud.

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